You're growing way too fast,baby!
Don't think anyone would believe that this lady is my aunt. I go thru so much with her.

I ought to be at work right now but this medication I'm on is really working on my nerves. 2 days MC and I'm worried sick about work. My fingers are trembling and my mind is not thinking straight. All I want to do is to put myself to sleep. Shut this whole system down and be nothing in particular. Sometimes my thoughts scares me, like I'm going to do something I might regret. Yet at the same time, I know how sinful such thoughts could be.

I'm thankful to my friends who can give me time to be myself. But when I'm all alone , it really is a different story. I don't understand why I could battle with myself day in, day out. Put a smile and pretend everything is okay. But inside all I want to do is scream out loud. Been days already and these tears provide moist to my cheeks daily. Still it doesn't give me comfort.

He said I should not cry cause I am a big girl now. Yes he doesn't know that half the reason I am crying cause of him. I try not to think about it but he gets on my nerves all the time. I have never seen a man who spends so much time with his friends. Now don't try to compare me and Nani cause what we have is completely different from what he has with his friends. I don't spend every second telling you what Nani and I have done. When I am with you, I am with you. I minus the details of what I have with my friends. I told you again and again yet everything just goes in one ear and out the other one.

And this family takes out their anger at me as if I don't have my own worries to shoulder. So what if my sister does not come home last night or all the other nights before? Do you think I can control my own sister when you can't control your own daughter? Please stop it okay! I'm not a punching bag which you can use when you're angry.

I'm progressing fine with school, something which really occupies my mind. I'm able to study at least for this maths test and hopefully I'll be fine too :) I really want to do well again. Even when I'm at war with myself, all this should be worth it.

riyah starr@ 12:50 pm