Imperfections hurt.
Tears don't come easy
But it flows like nobody's business.
Embrace me.
Get rid of these negative thoughts.
I miss you :'(
riyah starr@ 11:38 am
Thursday, April 27, 2006
I LOVE my parents.Who doesn't right?And i cannot explain what it feels like to have my mother as a wonderful friend.Even better cause i'll see her everyday catching me when i fall (: And it still tears me apart when she quarrels with daddy.But all i know is that i'll always stand by her side cause she needs me as a daughter and as her companion.I was more than willing to listen to her rants.She is human and she has feelings.At this very moment [when my ankle creates multiple problems], she is peeling mango for me (: I'm a pampered not-so-little girl (: And she is the one who listens to me talk about how i feel ugly.And she is the one who comforts me and telling me that others havent seen me.She makes me believe that i am beautiful [to a large extent it doesnt seem real or true : ].She is the one who i talked about my one and million crushes and telling her that men can be blind.I told her though we were in front of men, they wont see us.And patiently, she tries to understand me even though she doesnt catch what im trying to say :PMy mother
A strong woman i see her.
To catch her tears i would.
To see thru her fears i would.
To listen to her i would.
To hug her each time she is afraid,i will feel it.
To kiss her on her cheeks but never a sign of goodbye.
I love my mother (:
My plague.My neoprints.My small little token from Syirah (:
I miss talking to my brother.Don't ask me when was the last time we talked?Honestly, i cannot remember.Maybe last Saturday night while i was sleeping and i was mumbling to his questions?Or maybe it was last Sunday right before he left for work : I miss him so!I feel like talking to him about everything that i have inside of me.I mean he is my gossip kaki!The best that i have encountered.Simply cause he is the ONLY one brother i have (: And he would patiently answer my curiosity about love.Not that i KPO wanna ask him but i just needed to know why boys act the way they do.Maybe its good to have a brother you can ralate to.And i know he'll support me with my studies.Thanks bro !! (: *muacks.
And i missed the chance to go jogging with Dee this week.I know Dee my ankle the big problem.I'll start with you again next week aight or whenever the little feet feels well again.And i'm NOT gonna get any fatter than this.I swear if i ever get married,i'll still meeting you up for more jogging sessions.Be it after work or what!And good luck with the shorty baby!! (:
School began with a very much wrong foot.The bus me and huda took broke down for a little while when we were about to reach school.So Huda didnt allow me to walk to school so we waited for the next bus.Somehow the bus came back to life and we were on it.Luckily, we werent late.And i must say that we are prettyyyy luckyyy not to be late.We always run away from it i guess (:
The rest of school was alrighty.But i so miss seeing him around school.*ARGHHHH*I hate this feeling.And im sure you'd understand aish.I told what it was like.*sighs*And i didnt do PE either and i was so jealous that they were playing ball.But sitting and watching them once in awhile seems fun like i didnt have to suffer for once (: And Armani was a little moody again but he lightened up a bit.Let's pray he aint like that tomorrow.Adui!
Hafiz was mad again when i picked him up today.I dont know what else to tell him or to make him understand.But i couldnt bear to see him hurt and i couldnt bear to see him being mischievous.
[miz]
riyah starr@ 7:08 pm
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
It has still been kinda hard to kick my own ass.I dont wish to delay my revision but i cant seem to get it started when i get home.I'd get too ried after my shower.And i'd be too restless without my shower.Oh my!I hope i get to find a good place real soon for my studies and away from this computer for my beloved revision.I'm gonna make it and kick my freaking ass to university.I cannot afford to fail or get any lower than A.I'm sorry Riyah to disappoint you that you no longer have the luxury of the time right now.If you dare to procrastinate Riyah,i'll make sure i'll complain to your daddy I swear i will (:
Alright guys.Pray for my recovery (: And if you're kind enough,pray for jacky too.-hahahahaha-
riyah starr@ 7:57 pm
Sunday, April 23, 2006
It is definitely such an amazing experience to be able to meet him in person.Yes!That is HYRUL ANUAR [though i prefer khairul anuar]!He is sucha sweetheart.It's a no wonder that girls go all crazy for him.He is humorous and can definitely relate to the people he is talking to.I can't help but admire him in silence.It was a trembling moment before i meet him to sign.I was thinking "oh my god!What will i say?" and stuff like that.But he is a sweetheart.He just nicely asked for my name [which by the way is the same as his sister].And he proudly telecast me to his sister who was the one who took this lovely picture (: And yes, we talked (: What more can i ask for?I gave him the little something that i made for him.And others bought him like such big stuff.hmmmm!And i managed to shake his hand firmly before saying my kind 'thank-you'.I'm on cloud number nine as i type this entry.Memories of yesterday stays here in my mind and in my heart (: Thank you Hyrul (:
Someone was also the superstarr yesterday eh!Everyone [almost] wanted to take picture with her.It was so nice to see her.And syirah, you were right that she is friendly (: It was funny how i first talked to her.And yes, i was nervous in meeting new people though she is a girl like me :p But her smile is so heart-warming.And we talked while waiting for Syirah to pick us up.She asked me this one question which i thought was cute "So are you attached?"But NADIAH, you are star (: And i'll be looking forward to see you more on TV.
I think i was bored and alone that i decided to snap it away at home (:
Syirah-I know you love this picture and i LOVE it too (: Finally,something decent (: Ermm,thank you for dragging me along herreee.Cause if you didnt ask me to send in my particulars,i prolly be regretting it.Keep it coming baby (: And i met your whole family already.weewit~So when are you going to meet mine?-hahahahahaha-I love you syirahbeanie (: And i'm still gonna go on waiting for you online just so you can make me smile again (: But on one note, your comp seems to getting better.You rarely ter-disconnected eh? :p
AWWW!Syirah Sweet&Nadiah Sweet (:I guess yesterday seems to replay like it was just a dream.A nice dream i have.Let's do this together k? (:
I arrived rather on time to meet up with Syirah and Nad.Like i said before,i was a little bit nervous about meeting Nad for the first time cause i wasnt sure if we can talk.But we did and she is a nice girll (: So we talked while waiting for the girl who-told-me-not-to-be-late at the bus stop.We took the cab that Syirah's dad was driving.Talked abit.But i must say that during the journey,i was rather quiet cause my tummy was turning knots.I was freaking nervous but for what, i wasnt too sure.
When we arrived at the place [which took like forever to reach], i didnt wanna shiver but i was (: My fingers were treambling when we were going to register ourselves.Oh my god!Can die you know?But after a while,it was alright i guess.I believe i wasnt the only girl who was shaking from within.We ate the food there.Not so bad larr.I wonder who cooked!I saw some people i knew.Thankfully it was only juniors and seniors from secondary school, primary school and millennia institute.I would die if i saw any of my cousins.Freaky!Anyways,sitting down and waiting for Hyrul to come down was sucha killer.Cause my feet were aching and i was actually resting my knee against this stranger beside me.Poor kiddo! :p
When Hyrul finally came down,it was like a blast!The girls were screaming.But for me,i just sat there and be cool [you know].And what with the Suria crew over there.Then it sets us thinking that we will appear on TV.omg!I'm gonna die.People gonna see me as a Hyrul Anuar freakk (: But it doesnt matter now does it?Cause i got his autograph and his picture.Wheeee~What an experience!He answered some of the questions posted to him by the audience.And then he sang us all a song.I recorded it for like 19 seconds and replayed it to myself when i got home .Yes,i'm a freakk! (:
The rest of the night [after the autograph session] seems like a blur to me.I was in my own world.After some photo snapping, Syirah and I took off (: Once again, uncle Jusni drove us.Picked Syirah's mum at Orchard and then they sent me to Bishan MRT station.Thank you Syirah and family (:
I had an unbelievable night!A grreatt moment like this will never come again soon.After Taufik,it seems like it was impossible to be meeting yet another starr (: And im praying hard that i'll bump into him this coming December when his second cousin [my sister's friend who is also my friend] who is getting married (:
Till then, The Miz is outta herreee (:
riyah starr@ 11:58 am
Saturday, April 22, 2006
catch my falling tears someone.
riyah starr@ 10:16 am
Thursday, April 20, 2006
today,it was a rather tiring day!dont know what the source was from but even running two rounds upslope was a killer for me.but to think of it, it must have been due to the jog last evening.yeaps, i went jogging with dee.it wasnt so bad but im feeling the strain.But i gotta pull it thru with the back ache, aching legs and aching ankle.what is becoming of me?
as usual, im not paying attention in class.i dont know whats up but it;s getting harder for me to put my soul into management lessons.and sometimes i'd wanna wish chelvam thank you for making me what i am with management today,but on second thoughts, i didnt really benefit much from lessons.sighs-i truly truly hope that i can keep on track :D
volleyball in my opinion and still go and die.it's a no wonder i hated that CCA.if it wasnt for that cute pendek,id prolly die larr.and not forgetting, the wonderful girl company (: and we are still stuck at practising while all the other games all started playing already.grrrr.PENDEK hurry up start game can?
economics also can die larr.half the time,im telling myself to listen to his every word.but the next thing i know, im just dreaming away.maybe it has something to do with him telling us "alright, this section you can go and read yourself."like HELLO, i didnt have teachers telling me that before.i thought we were supposed to learn from them (: -oh wells-
then came the killer;GP!i know qin, we both dreaded like every lesson.DAMN!i guess its the amount of pressure that he gives us.its pretty good at times but pressurizing can nearly kill me.but he was kind today.but maybe he is always kind everyday.yes, WW he is kind everyday to me only (: *winks.
then came the end of the day and everything pressurizing ends.its so fun seeing siti and aishah have those bandages on their arm.i wish i had them but i know even if i go, ill prolly be rejected for like the umpteen times.So i went back with aishah and the lovebirds (: i dont know why i was merajuk-ing with aishah for like three times on our way back.but the reality is that i was :p but i remember once was cause she was teasing me with the guy in my dreams who was standing right next to me in the bus,she said that i didnt wanna talk to her cause i wanna talk to him.ridiculous!!!!
i wrote something about inspiration today,and im lovin' it (:
riyah starr@ 8:17 pm
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
What happens when you're deemed the bad person?
When in reality, they played you for a fool.
What happens when you're just there staring blankly?
When in reality, they accused you of your innocence.
Who can you truly trust?
I dont know baby.
I just shed my tears for you were vulnerable.
I couldn't do much for you.
I couldn't.
Justice has to be exist.But it doesn't.I don't want to believe what others tell me.I have to see it for myself.Hang in there, Ree!
riyah starr@ 4:11 pm
Monday, April 17, 2006
Giving in too much can be detriment
I didn't know that being kind all the time hurts
But the reality is that it bites you from within.
Giving in too much makes the other party unappreciative
I didn't know that you'd feel empty inside in a while
Even though you tried your best to save something meaningful to you.
I don't ever want to know if i'm not good enough for you.
I just want to know why it ended like this.
I just want to know why you didn't see me right in front of you.
I'm drained with nothing left in me.
*this is dedicated to whoever works their ass off in their relationship but the guy just doesnt see the freaking effort you put it.i feel for you my ladies*
Part II
I sat down and reflected on my own life.
I guess it's true that you always see the flaws of others before their good.
So it's a no wonder i work my hardest to prove that i'm good?
I saw the flaws in each and everyone.
I'm beginning to accept flaws that come my way.
I'm working with flaws.
Cause people will be working with mine (:
And they'd suffer more than me.
I see your beauty in every single mistakes you make and we commit.
Part III
I love MIZ!
I DO!
I DO!
I DO!
riyah starr@ 6:26 pm
Sunday, April 16, 2006
Sundays are days when i think of my friends even more.
I want to see you people in school on Mondays.
Sundays are days when showers don't come early.
Sundays are days when i rushed my homework at night.
Sundays are days when i sleep in the noon.
Sundays are days when i laze around and my mum screams.
Sundays are days people hate.
Sundays are days i reflect on myself.
Sundays are days i am a good girl.
And for that,i love you Sundays!!
i watched Land of the Dead last night on DVD with my brother and my sister.WAHLAO!Damn gore larr!I think if Huda watched, she might just puked (: But the zombie-eating creaturres were the main aim of the movie.And bloody, the zombies attack humans like nothing only.And the first thing they attacked was the intestines.I'm so up for a good time.Maybe we can watch that, girls if we ever have a movie marathon like we mentioned before.
riyah starr@ 11:38 am
Saturday, April 15, 2006
you assured me i was strong.
when i was filled with tears,
you wiped it away.
when i was angry,
you kept your distant.
when i wanted you to go,
you'd just sit and stay.
for everything wrong that i am,
you make me right.
AGAIN!
riyah starr@ 12:56 pm
Friday, April 14, 2006
anyways, yesterday CIP was awesome!i didnt expect it to be that way!!though it was raining,everybody did their work (:
after the whole CIP thingy,the 8 of us went to jurong point to eat banquet with mark.the only missing person was geetha who headed to some secondary school in the noon.so we ate there and walked around a little bit.not bad i must say!!
but instead of heading straight home, i went to yishun area with aishah and siti.damn funny!!we were on the train from jurong east and siti and i were teasing each other non-stop.i have yet to complete the battle with siti (: and yes, i just dont understand why you had to make that name up aishah.it didnt help me one bit (: but ill battle you both when we get back to school.then ill have qin to back me up (:
and today, i went out with syirah (: yes, you got that right, syirah!it was quite last minute planning all.so i met up with her at somerset.we were supposed to meet at 1pm.but i wasnt even out of my house when it was 1225pm.in the end, i was wayyy later than her.and i dont believe this.im getting worse in getting ready on time.im always late now.grrrrr-
we walked to cineleisure to catch a movie.we watched tristan and isolde.it was a pretty romantic movie.though i must say, it wasnt all that oooo-aaaa feeling.but the killing bits were the best.i loved it and for some reason,im imagining what its like to be a hero (:
time passed by really fast just now though i cant remember what we did.weird!!!but had dinner at LJS (: yum yum.alrighty.im tired.ill prolly gonna write more tomorrow.
riyah starr@ 9:35 pm
we have done it.stepped down that is! (: phew~one huge relief right?hey,i mean it when i say i appreciate your friendship.and im glad that your happy now (: now no need to anyhow squeeze in front of the line already.you can stand freely with your class!!and i remember you pretending to not know where to stand.funnyness (: cheers keong!!
the girl whom i thought was a bit sombong.cause she rarely smile.but you pick me up each time im down in council.cause we both know what was happening around us.and it's a pity not working with you on orientation this year.and i know how much you wanted to be there.i'll still be seeing you around school lady.and you are missed by me (: and yes,seeing you in school makes me smile.enough said*muacks.love yaaaaaaa
gab shahani me keong linda aisyah
my women.shahani and huda.from different sides from with the same heartbeat (:
joel&michelle-my best wishes still.michelle,ill tell you of weird dreams that occurs k??and ill be your dear friend if i feel something wrong (: *muacksriyah starr@ 9:56 am
Thursday, April 13, 2006
my soh sisters!they are my crazy girls who always make me upset and smile at the same time.i've been thru the most with these two.getting frustrated for all the wrong reasons and these two keep their cool with me.i wont forget you liyun for catching my falling tears in a meeting.and kailing, you have been the greatest help for teacher's day being patient about the gifts.and at the end of the day, it went WELL (: and i shall remember your kindness both (: *muakcs.
MI's very own presidents [junjie and hafizah].
kum liyun and me.and not forgetting the last minute can by tee wei (:
liyun must have taken this cause i definitely didnt remember anything about such silly pictures.good job li :p
my FL ladies.i LOVE them.riyah starr@ 5:52 pm
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
gab was busily eating away.he didnt even give a damn that i was even taking his picture wqhile he was eating.and poor taufiq was begging me not to take his picture while eating.but the girls insisted on taking it so i waited.and he pretended to eat and laughed.oh wells.
i told liyun that she looked like a lady who just gave birth.she's still the best (:
the first shot of the food taking.as you can see gab is very much engrossed in his food (:
and finally, i caught taufiq eating.though it wasnt a terrible shot for him, he tried to be polite.
my ladies.and a gentleman.somehow, joel managed to sneak into the picture.but lemme tell you that it was supposed to be just girls.he seems to be interested in one of them :priyah starr@ 8:39 pm
Sunday, April 09, 2006
riyah starr@ 4:21 pm
Friday, April 07, 2006
Here i am
Now im standing in the cold
[everything is said and done]
Atomic winter in my soul
[from the absence of the sun]
The only remedy i know
Is i gotta let you go
Where were you when i was scared?
A broken promise you left me here
A post-it note is all i got
It says im sorry but i know you're not
riyah starr@ 9:05 pm
Thursday, April 06, 2006
i know when we step down it would no longer be her who calls my name in the morning.But i think she can still call my name during management lessons and tell me to pay attention.I remembered she went like "ah ah ah, dont know how to answer.Talk only!"-muahaha-I think your bunch of management students from A2 seriously semangat ah.Always always pay attention?!!?
i think he will no longer say "hello riyah" in the morning in his usual "sexy" tone as he likes to say it.-muahahahaha-but nonetheless, i know and you know that stepping down is a GOOD thing right?!?
I never fail to always be somewhere with this young lady.Still dare to act cute.I took this picture while we were waiting for Dave to finish his drama.At the same time, we were finishing up the wetaher project's board which wasn't really that nice.And to think that we are not truly prepared for the oral presentation.And im praying too that we will not be close to taking an air flight to USA (:
The 4 FLs.At least some of them were always present for any shared SC meetings.note: the distance.
The line-up of girls who have been through much with each other.From left:
Kum,Liyun,Shan,Huda,Kai Ling,Michelle,Zash,Riyah,Sya,Tho,Kim,Faezah
The whole gang [though not complete].
If i feel anger as much as this picture, it would turn ugly.Cause im never good at keeping my eruptions when it comes.But then again,i think most people are right to say that im kind.As much as possible, i try not to show my anger.I mean irritation ill always show but not anger.And it was the same thing i saw in his eyes today.It was so nice to be picking him up from school but the way he walked and looked at me, i knew he was angry.For his friend actually put glitters on his hands.Silly?I dont know.And the girl who did that was called SITI AISHAH.So i was like WAH!What a coincidence!
Sometimes you can never know how upset i am.I feel like screaming my heads off knowing how stupid i can be.NANI-no matter what man say or do, i hope that you will be strong somehow.I was suprised that he took the initiative to come and explain things out to you.In a way, it shows he cares for your feelings.But at the same time, be on your toes.We shall continue eye-washing with the rest.And you know you have T-rex to count on.Cause he will definitely will be walking pass our class more than ever.Or do you prefer the one much closer to us?Ermm, lemme know la.I can try to set some dinosaur dates for you.Eh,dinosaur for Aishah la.Maybe you can have double dates dinosaur style?
Yes, the ladies LOVESSSSSSSSSS YOUUUUUUUUUUU!!! (:
I'm not sure what the hell the guys are doing.A bit silly actually.From left:
Keong, Gab,JunJie, Basitd, Tee Wei, Taufiq, Joel, Manan, Farid
Well well, it was such a nice time today.Relaxing and tiring at the same time.PE was sucha a killer.Mr Tan made us do this physical conditioning for volleyball.It was nice to be exercising somehow but it seems sad that we didnt get to play with the ball.Except just touch it for one silly exercise.
Then it was hair tying session during physical geography.We are so gonna die tomorrow if teacher asked about our presentation and we didnt do anything during that period.We are so rebellious larrr.Instead, Siti and Faezah were busy tying scorpions for me, nani and shiqin.It was nice!!I loved Siti's creation for me.My mum likes it too.So its a good thing.Maybe you would want to tie for me everyday?? (:
Lunch was good too!!!I guess i was like so popular like that [ the way i tell you nani], that the guys were looking our direction.macam betul jek eh?sekali, dorang tengok lain, buat malu jek!!!But i was certain that they were looking our direction.And oh my god, im still amazed by your story 30 years and 21 years old married.whoa!
Economics was fun!Getting back our papers were like nothing.I mean it is disappointing that we didnt rally perform up to standards but im keen on working for myself.But it was more fun talking and yet making fun out of it.Like kiss my *****!!seriously, it is gross when you think of it but it cant be helped.And yes, i did went home and had my shower!!Ask me in school tomorrow k nani??We know the drill- miz /mindy/ t-rex /stare-stare guy/flawlesssssss skin but selenge.
riyah starr@ 7:09 pm
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
Although i don't see him on TV as much these days, i still think that he rocks.I can't seem to just wait for him to appear on my screen and wrestle.Furthermore, i have missed wrestling.And the miz in school is so much different from the REAL one.And after what seems to be days of whining to WONDER WOMAN SWEETS and HEART SAYANG, i finally saw him today walking to class.And going back with my adik WIND DEARIE was good.She was telling me that the miz was a good choice cause he was taller than her (: Hmm, but i don't seem to see the link dearie (: It was so nice waiting for the bus, right adik?And the miz was sitting right behind us.-muahahaha-im NUTS!!
I seem to relate to this picture real well.After seeing closely to the details, i realised that this pretty girl is crying.And it sort of reminded me of the lady who cried in the train on Saturday.I don't think that it's crazy to be all alone and crying.I guess that she was breaking inside.I felt for her.And right now, i wished that i had a way to let out my emotions.I still feel trapped inside this body of mine.There is a part of me that just wants to lock myself in my room and cry my heart out to the unloved part of me.But i am loved.From all corners of my life, i see people who loves me for me.Yet, it is never enough.Oh, sadness!Sail away from me.
Yet another picture that i thought was nicely painted.So much sadness!And how i wish the wind can just blow all my worries away.That same facial expression i saw on his face that noon.How can that make me happy?!?When he is suffering in silence and all i can do is wait.A part of me is joyful for he still remembers himself.I hold no regrets within myself but the pain kills me slowly.And the image of his face appeared with such memories.No matter what, he is in safe hands (:Adik,it saddens me to see how sad you were when i told you what was happening to me and my family.That was why i tried to lighten up the atmosphere by giving you all sorts of crazy things that Hafiz has done this year.I am still proud of my boy even if he is that playful.And picking him up from school today was one painful process for me.All i could do was to kiss his cheeks and pray for the better.Afterall, if it's for his best, then i shall support full-heartedly the decisions that is made.I dont wish to give up hope on him.He is still young i must say and he deserves the best!! (:
I think i can cry..SOON!!When i feel that i have been disappointed enough.When i feel how silly i can be.When i begin feeling like im helpless.
FREE TO BE-i ought to be like that.Someone who symbolises myself.
On a lighter note :
HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY SYIRAH!!!
riyah starr@ 7:39 pm
Sunday, April 02, 2006
April's fool was a pink day!
the maids for kurusamy's daughter
no comments
aww..me and the birthday girl
i cant resist putting this up
she liked this picture..i dont
well,you can see the back of the scene
huda was unaware.aishah knew i was taking the picture.geetha used fork, not CHOPSTICK!she cant use it for nuts.
i quite like this.riyah starr@ 10:32 am
Saturday, April 01, 2006
and today, im one excited kiddo cause we all will be going out on a trip of our time !!i dont think ill ever spend as much money on food but im so gonna love it!!the last time i ate an expensive meal was paid by my brother.wheee!i still remembered how he flashed his POSB card when they mentioned the price.i was as ever suprised down there seeing how much of a bomb it cost.but that was for my sister's and his' girlfriend's birthday celebrations.i was just a free rider!!
it's a nice feeling when someone calls you "the leader of the gang".thanks mark!though im not a leader of the gang.cause i sincerely believe that we are leaders in different cases.just that, my girlfriends very shy to start the ball rolling.and i must say that for all our outings since last year, be it with captain planet inc, wonder woman and hawk girl, my SMSes used was worth it.then it brought me back to the time when i had $70+ for my bill caused i used up more than 1500 SMSes.still, at the end of the day, it was WORTH it.cause my girls are all WORTH IT ALL (:
so now im going to take my shower and get ready for a rolling GOOD time.i think it would be a rolling GREAT time (:
riyah starr@ 10:22 am