i seem so fragile to myself, i fear i'm breaking.i hang on and gripped onto a string that's shaky and so fray.i feel like i'm a failure in every aspect in life.what have i done to myself?why do i keep thinking this way?

so much for plannin and informin the ICs in one month notice about quitting the job.so much for thinkin i can now finally do my part as a duaghter and a cousin.so much for thinkin that i can be home to accompany my dearest mother.i'm full of shit and they make me this way.i'm full of excuses it tires me out.the day i was being transferred, i worried about myself.was i going to cope?i wasn't going to look stupid, i had to be confident.but i felt stupid at work today.i wasn't in my element and i have people asking me why i had to go.i don't want to go but i have no choice.i tried tellin myself that i will fit in, i will fit in.so far, i'm not succeeding.i give the impression that i'm doing just fine.at that point in time, i'm doing just fine but inside i'm tearing apart.i feel it so deep the minute my mother called me and i dissappoint her about the chnage in off days.i don't wanna break any promises i make to her.i promised to take her out on sunday being mother's day.i had to break that promise.

i promised hafiz that i'll bring him for a movie once his exams are done.i promise him that i'll take him to sentosa during the june holidays.i want to spend time with the family,why can't they see that?i don't know how long i can stand this anymore.i don't know how come i became dumb overnight.

i need time on my own.

riyah starr@ 12:55 am